When I was in middle and high school, I used to dream of my death. I wasn't obsessed with dying, but I used to wish that I would die in some tragic and dramatic accident so I could be a ghost. I firmly believed that as a ghost I could witness how people would finally appreciate and mourn me.
I felt taken for granted, unseen, unheard, unloved, unacknowledged and more by my family. But as a teen, I didn’t have the awareness nor the tools to understand this, let alone do anything about it. I used to think things like “They’ll be sorry when I’m gone.” Or even “I have to be dead to experience being seen and acknowledged.”
I know I held these beliefs in part because of the world or societal belief that only dead people get the recognition they deserve. Or perhaps we know it as a tragic “truth” that people are only truly seen and heard after they’ve gone. You and your work become infinitely more important after you leave this earth. I know the other place this belief comes from for me was a year of dramatic tragedy in my family when we lost four family members in one year. I was at the beginning stages of my adolescence at 10 years old and remember observing that my family’s grief meant they had no time or energy for me and that if I died, then I would be shown the affection I craved.
I’m not blaming them for this, I completely understand it as an adult. As an adolescent, I made what sense of it I could which just compounded my belief in a millennia-long lie.
All adolescents (and all humans for that matter) need to feel heard, acknowledged, and loved. When teens are “acting out” and say things like “I wish I were dead,” “maybe I’ll just kill myself,” or “I just want to die,” sometimes this is a cry for the three core A’s. Attention, Affection, and Acknowledgement. (Note: You can find suicide prevention resources here.)
But how do you give your teen the three A’s when you yourself are exhausted, frustrated, or at your limit with buttons being pushed?
Most if not all of the relationships we have on this planet are acting as a mirror for us. So when our adolescent children are making our lives more difficult, pushing our biggest buttons, or you see them struggling and don’t know how to help, there are a few questions we can ask ourselves.
How does this story feel familiar?
When have I experienced these feelings or emotions in the past?
When you start to identify the patterns, you have the joyful and miraculous opportunity to completely change the story not only for yourself, but for entire generations of your family and all of humanity.
In this case I help my clients to find all of the past hurting selves that were starved for the Attention, Affection, and Acknowledgement that all human beings deserve but they didn’t get to experience in their adolescence (Sometimes we go to specific stories if they were particularly painful). We get to magically transform that lost and disconnected or low vibration energy back into the highest vibration (Love), and we transform the old beLIEfs that you have to die to receive what you need, that nobody will ever give it to you, that you’re not worth anybody’s energy until you’re dead.
We Forgive and Release these old beliefs and teach you how to fill up with the three A’s directly from Source as undiluted, highest vibration Love. When you are filled with the Attention, Affection, and Acknowledgment that you need, it beings to show up in your outer reality because of the Law of One: As within, so without.
No longer are you devoid of these necessities because you’ve changed your past and can keep changing your future! Now it’s becoming easier to see what’s really going on beneath all of the button-pushing moments of your teenage child and you can help them to learn to fill up as well. Fill up your cup and life begins to feel simpler and less dramatic. Help yourself and you can also help your child. Know that you have the Attention, Affection, and Acknowledgement that you and your own Inner Teenager need and it becomes easier to be more present for your children.